Aw man, I been on the train for like 48 hours straight. Ain't had nothin' to eat either. Man, this train is rickety. I'm thinkin' man, this is like the same train I rode the first time I rode a train, when I was 15! Same train like 18 years later!
Man, do they check tickets on the return trip? They do? Oh, ok, well I'll stay here until they come but man I gotta go to the bathroom.
Dude, I hate my phone, the touchscreen don't work half the time. I gotta go back to Sprint and get a new one. They're gonna give me a new one. I like Verizon service better, but Sprint you know, they're always giving me deals to, you know, keep my business. But I'm gonna go back to Verizon one day.
I gotta call my old lady, she'll forget to pick me up if I don't remind her. Hey baby, hey it's Mike. Hey baby. Hey, don't forget now, don't forget, I get to Holland at 9:20 so you gotta leave out an hour before that. Naw baby, I'm just saying you gotta leave out an hour ahead of time. And you better not leave me sittin' there for an hour at the station if you wanna do somethin' tonight. Ok bye baby.
Here you go sir. Uh, sir? Sir is the bathroom downstairs right?
...
Aw man, they need to do some work on this train man, that bathroom door was rickety! I'm sittin' there and it was rattling on its hinges like someone was fixin' to come in. Nobody was though, but it sounded like that you know what I mean? Man, they need to send somebody down there with a wrench to tighten up them screws.
The dude offered me a job in Chicago but I didn't get it 'cause I don't know no Spanish. Cause, you know, the crew, I was gonna run the crew, they're all Spanish and so I needed to know some Spanish but I don't.
What book is that? Supreme Courtship? That the name of the chapter or the whole book? My mom, you know, she likes different reading material than I do. She likes, whatsisname, Dickens? Tiny Tim? Yeah, she buys old books 'cause she ain't like the new ones. Yes, she and I are very different on our choices of reading material.
You wanna read this paper? I just bought it to give the dude a dollar. Every year I come to Chicago and buy a paper from this dude and I always joke around with him, give him a hard time and shit, you know? He never remembers me though.
Man, I quit drinkin' when I turned 21. Shit, I didn't even drink on my 21st birthday! Didn't drink for 12 years! Now, I don't really go in for the taste of alcohol or nothin'. But I do drink sometimes. You ever try that Stoli? Oh man, that goes down so easy. My old lady was amazed she watched me drink an entire fifth of Stoli, just, you know, shots one after another. But I don't really drink though. Of course, when I do, it's to get fucked up. I was over at my buddy Bud's house, and we was drinking like, you know, Natty or whatever and we was fucked up, and he says to me "Mike, I bet you fifty dollars you won't reach into my fish tank," he has a fish tank, "and pull out one of them fish and eat it." So I stood up, walked right over there reached in that sucker, grabbed one of them fish and swallowed it whole! Aw man! You should have seen the look on Bud's face! He's a crazy motherfucker.
Hey baby, hey, now you not gonna forget to pick me up are you? Remember, you gotta leave out in 20 minutes. It's an hour drive. Let's get some of that imported beer I like on the way home. Ok, remember, leave in 20 minutes, set five alarms if you have to. Ok bye baby.
She always forgets. She'll be giving herself 20 minutes for an hour drive. So I gotta remind her.
We ain't married or nothin', but it's been ten years. We call each other wife and husband. It's a piece of paper you know.
Man, I am so ready to be off this train and have a cigarette.
My mom, you know, I think she got pneumonia. She's gurglin' when she breathes and shit, and I say "mom, you gotta go to the doctor!" but she don't want to. That must be where I get it. Shit, when I got stabbed with a fillet knife I waited ten hours to get medical attention! It didn't hurt that bad or nothin', just kinda throbbed, you know, and got this big red bulge around it. Yeah, my buddy's old lady she stabbed me. We was all drunk and she was mad about some shit, so she comes in the room with a fillet knife and I'm like "now come on, you ain't gonna do nothin'!" and then she fuckin' stabbed me! Right in the arm to bone! She stabbed her boyfriend too. But he got the better of it, cause it was only a barbecue fork. He was ok.
I didn't turn her in or nothin', 'cause it's my friend's old lady you know? And it ain't like I'm gonna go fightin' back or nothin'. I mean, she weighs 95 pounds soaking wet.
You going all the way to Grand Rapids? You go to college there? Nah, me neither. I went to the School of Hard Knocks!
Mind if I plug in my phone charger over here? Thanks man. Be careful of the cord, it's got a short in it and sometimes it shocks me.
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